Tomorrow at 12 o'clock my sister Kendall will be getting married. I'm happy that she's found someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with but at the same time I feel like I'm losing something. I had the same feeling with my other two sisters when they got married as well.
When you get married things change: people move away, you're "we" instead of "I", all of a sudden you have to check with your "better half" to see if something is ok, etc. Of course there are many upsides to marriage, they're all so obvious I really don't even have to list them.
I just don't want to let my sister go, she's my friend and I'll miss her. I know I have to let her go but it'll take some time to adjust to things like not being able to run downstairs and ask her which outfit looks better on me or not being able to sit on her bed and talk about our favorite movies that we saw that month.
In the meantime I've got to learn to let go.
What are your guys' thoughts on this. I'm sure that many of you have had a friend/family member get married. Did you have such a hard time? Did you feel like even though they're the same person as before they were married maybe something was lost between the two of you?
1 comment:
I am glad you said something about this topic; it is one i have struggled with since i was 19 years old. I have never had a sibling get married but i understand what you mean by "loseing them". I have had 3 friends get married in the last 2 years and it is really "hard to let them go". But i have to remember that they are not changing that much.
One friend im particular i had a snow college named Courtney; we pretty much lived at each others apartments. We watched movies together, picked out our clothes together, had meals together, had classes together, went to the store together, and when one of us was sad we we text each other and go to the others apartment to comfort the other for as long as it took. She was my best friend and i felt like i didn't know what i would do without her. Well she got a boyfriend and things were a little different but i learned to love him as much as i loved courtney...that was 2 years ago; i moved home and i cried and cried because i was leaving her...
I went to visit her last year at her new apartment and it was like we never left each other except this time she had a new boyfriend and i could see it was getting serious. But it didn't bother me until 2 months later when she called to tell me she was engaged. From that moment on I felt the same way you did about your sister getting married. I felt like i was losing my best friend and i told her that with tears in my eyes; it's not like your not happy for their marriage; marriage is a great thing, your just sad.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact we are both girls and therefore more emotionally attached to our female siblings and female friends...you know what they say when you marry a woman you also marry her best friend..lol...
But she told me that i was rediculous to think that she would love me less..she just loved him as well. I knew things would change and it would never be just me and her anymore hanging out talking about boys, having sleepovers etc. because she would do all those things with her husband.
But i have come to learn that just because she was getting married didn't mean i had to talk to her less or let go of her it just meant it would be harder to hang out with her and that i would be sharing her with someone else.
I do think a little bit was lost from our friendship but that is inevitable when any kind of change occurs; everyone changes things in their lives; especilly people our age--we are constantly making changes in our lives because of work, school or relationships. I think i lost something with her when i moved home for school and then when she didn't get marrried after all; i said that i told her she was going to fast..and i meant it in love and it cost me our friendship for about 4 months and we've never been the same since.
I know this is long but i would like to add one more thing i have learned to do with my friends that have a boyfriend or i know will soon be engaged; it's probably not the best solution but it has worked for me... i have built a little wall with these friends so i won't be hurt as badly when they do get married or move away. It's not that i don't care about them i just don't spend all my time talking to them or hanging out with them; becuase the more you invest in a friendship the more you become attached to them; and when i become attached to my friends and they get married i get really hurt; so this is a way that i can protect my emotions...
I hope this comment comforts you with your sisters new marriage.
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